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The Truth About Dating After 45

April 17, 2019 | Shapermint Team

This post is part of Shapermint’s #ThisIsMyTruth campaign, launched to spark up an honest-to-heart conversation about our own bodies, through the personal stories of four extraordinary women. Click here to learn more about #ThisIsMyTruth.

If you’re over 45 and recently single after a marriage or long-term relationship has ended, the wild, weird world of dating may seem disorienting at first. After all, you’ve spent most of your adult life with one person, and there’s a good chance you didn’t meet using an app!

Even without the strange electronic courting ritual that is online dating, single gals over 40 tend to second guess ourselves in so many ways, from how we look to whether or not we should introduce our dates to our kids or talk about our previous spouses. Then there’s the undeniable agism we experience – even from potential partners our own age!

Nettie on Instagram

The bigger better deal (BBD) is the mentality that there is always something better for us out there. There is always a new CAT to chase. You’ll go on great dates only to find that your great date is still looking for someone else online, and it makes you feel like shit, to say the least; but, pretty Flower, don’t take it personally. It shows the character of those looking for the BBD, not your value or desirability! They’re not ready for a relationship and want to be alone and free. From my #datingbook Don’t Go In That Room!

We need to remind ourselves that no matter what, we are worth more than the shallow judgement of a stranger swiping through pictures. And even though modern dating can be exhausting, as a woman over 45, you’ve experienced and learned more about life than the girl you were at 25. Which means you bring an exhilarating amount of charm, compassion, wisdom and power to any relationship.

The truth is, a confident woman is worth a thousand right swipes.

Jeni Besworth

aaahh dating. gone are the days of innocent hand-holding & sharing soda pops. it’s become a lesson in confusion, dissection & straight-up hilarity. add an 'advanced' age & the juggling of parenting to that scenario and well. ya. it’s a thing. but hope springs eternal & if nothing else, i love a good story.

Walk proudly in your own beauty, let your light shine, reach out to others, and the right person will find their way to you. In the meantime, you’ll discover the love of your life in yourself.

Take it from our very own #ShapermintGal, Jill. After the death of her beloved husband, she faced the icy ocean of online dating. But instead of plunging in and barely treading water, she decided to make her own waves – and even decided to start a matchmaking business!

Learn what Jill learned from the world of dating and the insights gained helping people over 40 find love.



THIS IS OUR TRUTH. What’s yours?

Share your story of self-love and body confidence using #ThisIsMyTruth on social media - who knows, you might inspire us and see yourself in one of our posts ;-) It’s your turn to erase the shame away and inspire all women to let their inner light shine through!

Watch the #ThisIsMyTruth campaign video below:


Video Transcript

After my husband died I was trying to find a purpose, and I knew I wanted to help people and then I, for all that I said "Well maybe start dating again". So I got on some of the online things, and the swiping and to this and that, and I realized, oh my gosh this is so hard this is a pain, is so tough.

Imagine to miss the love of your life... because you looked at a photo and you don’t like the way they looked in the photo. What a shame!

People aren’t just looking for looks and that's why these apps don't work very well because everyone's picking someone based on a photo.

There's so many people that are lonely out there that really want to be with someone and just share their lives with, and it's scary, and it's not always easy to do and it's scary to to take a step forward and take a chance and ask someone.

First of all, give yourself a chance to just be with yourself. But at the same time, don't be afraid to get out there and just practice and talk to people, you don't have to ask people out, but just be social, you know, if you're standing in line at the supermarket, say "Hi", you know or say "Hi, how are you?" Just get in the habit of interacting and socializing practice because I think that's the scary part is we think we have to go up to someone right away and ask them out or, or express interest, and I think the more we exercise that muscle of being social, the more we can, we’re comfortable when that right person comes along and we don't miss that opportunity we see it see that person we really want to talk to, it becomes more natural.

Just love yourself and things about find things about yourself that you love. And then, believe in that's who you are and have that as a strength, because people will see that in you.


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